It was worth a try, right? You're too honest for your own good.\n\nYou hand over Susie's key reluctantly.\n\nAunt Marla swipes the key out of your hand and snatches the musty shoes back from you.\n\n"These shoes are too good for the likes of you. We're cutting you off from here on out. Family or not. If your mother knew what you'd turned into, she would be ashamed."\n\nYou think over the prospect of never seeing Aunt Marla or Susie again, and you can't help smiling. Whatever else happens today, you're already a winner. Cutting ties with your crazy family is a gift you are eternally grateful for. \n\nNice work.\n\nHead to the bank on [[81st street]] to check out your inheritence.
You tell them about the legacy your Great Uncle Willy left you. Maybe they’ll split it with you if you cooperate with them.\n\nThe man rubs his hands together. “A legacy? Boy am I glad we picked you up. How much do you think it is?"\n\nYou shrug. For all you know, it could be a locker full of crispy snake hides, or a rotton old mummy tooth. \n\nIt doesn’t seem to matter whether you answer or not. The man is smiling at the woman, and she is smiling at you in the rear view mirror.\n\n“Hand that key over, kid." \n\nYou hand the key over to the man in the passenger seat, but you resent being called a kid. \n\nYou pull up to the curb about a block away from the bank on 81st street. The man ties your hands and ankles together with duct tape, and runs off into the bank. \n\n“I’m Gigi,” says the woman in the driver’s seat. “That’s my husband Randall. We’re going out to Burger King after this, then we’ll have to drop you off somewhere remote. But we’ll get you something to eat. It’s the least we can do for telling us about that legacy.”\n\nShe smiles and you try to memorize what her face looks like. Maybe you’ll get your legacy after all if these jokers get arrested. Suddenly, a thought occurs to you. You could make this doubly dangerous for the robber pair by telling them about Susie’s legacy.\n\nYou’re sure they won’t be able to resist the chance to score some more money, but part of you worries Aunt Marla might find out you tipped them off.\n\n\nTell Gigi about [[Susie's inheritance]]. They seems stupid enough to try to hit two banks in one day.\n\n[[Refuse to help]] and wait for Randall to come back. Incurring Aunt Marla’s wrath is just not worth it.\n
Your legacy, and everything else that was in the safe deposit boxes at the bank is gone. \n\nOn the bright side, the police manage to apprehend the burglars Randall and Gigi, a husband wife bank robbing duo, two blocks away at a Burger King.\n\nYou and Gayle Ann are lauded as heroes, although your legacy, whatever it was, is never returned to you.\n\nGayle Ann's documentary The Marvin Effect wins several prestigious awards. Her next project involves a police officer, Susannah Daley, who recently recieved the rights to loot a famous shipwreck called the Anita.\n\nGayle Ann invites you to be a consultant on that documentary, because it turns out your uncle was the very person who discovered the Anita shipwreck back in 1997, but you really don’t know what you would say, so you decline.\n\nSometimes you wonder about your legacy, but most of the time, you know you’re probably better off without it.
Marvin refuses to leave a piece of artwork once he's started it. Even to use the bathroom.\n\nYou bought Marvin that bucket last week to stop him from relieving himself all over the potted plants on your front steps.\n\nIt looks like he's using it...nice work!\n\n[[81st street]]
"The third ant was lying!!!" Marvin laughs.\n\nYou don't.\n\n[[Answer the riddle]]
You decide to tell the robber about the envelope. It’s too thin to be cash, and you’re sure you’ll be able to recover the money if it’s a check. And probably, it’s just a dumb letter. \n\nYou tell him about the envelope, and boy does he want you to open it. He claps his hands when you pull the envelope off the rock. “It’s like he’s Santa Claus, and you’re on the naughty list. I can’t wait to hear what Uncle Willy has to say to YOU.”\n\nYou pull out a letter written on thick, official looking paper. It’s heavy, like something you’d print a certificate on, or a land title deed. You put the rock safely down on the ground by your feet. \n\nYou glance up at the robber’s face, and he’s watching, rapt with attention. Blue eyes, dark hair, and it’s long, because it’s trailing out under the ski mask he’s wearing. Big old nose, bulging out under the black fabric. \n\nThe letter reads:\n\nTo the bearer of this document:\n\n\tYou have been granted the right to loot the shipwreck Anita, renown for it’s bountiful iron ore deposits. It is incumbent upon you to coordinate the transfer of the ore from shipwreck to land, but once it is in your possession, it is worth an estimated 46 million dollars. Are you up to the challenge?\n\nCongratulations, on behalf of William Banks, who discovered the Anita in 1997.\n\nNotarized December 8, 2000.\n\nYou stop reading and slowly look up at the robber. You can see the excitement in his eyes as he leans toward you, and looks down at the rock on the ground. He stoops to pick up the chunk of iron ore and you see something miraculous.\n\nSix policemen are quietly walking toward you, and the officer out in front of the pack gives you a thumbs up.\n\nThe robber stands back up again and puts his hand out to take the letter from you, but the policemen make their move and tackle him all at once. \n\nThe bank robber is handcuffed, and the ski mask is ripped off his head. You almost expect it to be somebody you recognize, but it isn’t. You’ve never seen the man before in your life, and you were right about the big nose.\n\nOne of the police officers walks forward and shakes your hand. \n\n“Thanks to you, we had enough time to position ourselves for the perfect takedown. That was a dangerous move trying to distract him like that, but boy did you nail it. We’d like to take down your name to issue you an official thanks. That was a hilarious letter, by the way. Shipwrecks and exact numbers and everything. You’re a stitch.” \n\nYou give the officer your name, and he joins the other officers, who are herding the robber into the police car. The bank manager steps forward and shakes your hand, thanking you on behalf of the bank branch. She offers you a lifetime of free safe deposit box rentals for the rest of your life, which you magnanimously decline.\n\nYou hadn’t noticed a woman with a camera behind all the police officers, but she comes rushing forward now.\n\nIt’s Gayle Ann Lee, the reporter from the bus.\n\n“I followed you to see how the Marvin Effect would play out, and I was right. Imagine the Marvin Effect reaching so far as to foil a bank robbery. I’ll be famous. You’ll be famous,” she straightens one of the feathers on her sunhat, “And best of all, Marvin will be famous.”\n\nYou wholeheartedly agree to do an interview. After all, now you’re not just Marvin’s neighbor, you’re an actual hero.\n\nGayle Ann’s documentary goes viral. \n\nThe best part of all is that your legacy is unimaginably good. You weren’t so sure about it at first, but now you think to yourself, if I can foil a bank robbery, maybe I really can loot a shipwreck…\n\nGayle Ann offers to shoot the documentary. \n\n\nVICTORY!
“Marla! Hey, Marla! This idiot just popped Susie's bike tires!” Gary smiles at you and shakes his head. “Didn’t think I'd do it, did you?”\n\nYou really hate that guy.\n\nMarla comes busting out through the screen door faster than you thought possible. She’s carrying a pair of old shoes in her hand.\n\n"You punk," she pushes your shoulder. "You're gonna pay to have those tires replaced, if it takes you a year.” \n\nShe looks you up and down.\n\n "Uncle Willy was right about you. Bet he didn’t even leave you anything at all. Well, I have a legacy for you. I just outgrew these shoes. They're thick boots, like the kind you wear.”\n\nYou look down at your stylish black boots. They have buckles on them like a cowboy, or a rockstar. They don’t look anything like the musty old gardening shoes Aunt Marla’s trying to foist on you.\n\nShe pushes them at your hands until you have to grab them from her. \n\nThe shoes are muddy and smell slightly like mold. You pinch the laces between two fingers and let the shoes hang as far away from your body as you can manage.\n\nAunt Marla crosses her arms over her chest. “No need to thank me. And you’ll be driving Susie around until you get those bike tires fixed!”\n\nYou hang your head like you're sorry, even though you're not. Now that you have Susie’s key, you don’t need to worry about fixing bike tires. You’ll be able to buy a mansion in a different state and never have to deal with these fools again.\n\nAunt Marla is watching you with eagle eyes. If you didn't know any better, you'd think she was starting to suspect you of something. You’d better get out of here, fast. You turn to go, but Aunt Marla is two seconds too sharp.\n\n"Hold on there. What’s that in your pocket? Is that your bank deposit key?" She's looking suspiciously at Susie's wicker bike basket, and then at your pockets. ”You always wear your pants too tight. I can see there’s a key in your pocket.”\n\nYou definitely don’t wear your pants too tight, and you think Aunt Marla might be bluffing, but you’re scared of her and you don't want to make things worse. \n\nGive her [[Susie's key]], in your left pocket.\n\nGive her [[your key]] in your right pocket.\n\n\n
Your [[Great Uncle Willy]] died yesterday. \n\nSure you're sad about it, but you're also super pumped. You can't help it. Before he took his final breath in that hospital room yesterday, he told the entire roomful of money-grubbing "mourners" that he left YOU a legacy. \n\nYOU! You didn't think Uncle Willy even liked you. You've never been left a legacy before, so you have no idea what to expect. All you know now is that you have a key to a safe deposit box on 81st street.\n\nHere's the thing. He also gave a key to your eight-year-old cousin, Susie. Her key unlocks a safe deposit box at the bank on 31st street. \n\nUncle Willy was ambivalent at best about you, but he adored Susie. You’re sure Susie’s legacy is going to be way better than yours...which is bullshit. She's just a kid, so you think you might be able to weasel your way into part of her legacy.\n\nYou have a decision to make.\n\nGo to [[Susie's house]] and try to convince her to split both legacies 50-50. You better get to her before her mom, your awful Aunt Marla, takes it all for herself.\n\nHead to the bank on [[81st street]] and see what kind of inheritance awaits you. Maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised?\n
You decide to tell Randall about the envelope. It’s too thin to be cash, and you’re sure you’ll be able to recover the money if it’s a check. Probably, it’s just a dumb letter. \n\nYou tell him about the envelope, and boy does he want you to open it. He claps his hands when you pull the envelope off the rock. “It’s like he’s Santa Claus, and you’re on the naughty list. I can’t wait to hear what Uncle Willy has to say to YOU.”\n\nYou pull out a letter written on thick, official looking paper. It’s heavy, like something you’d print a certificate on, or a land title deed. You put the rock safely down on the ground by your feet. \n\nYou glance up at Randall's face, and he’s watching, rapt with attention.\n\nThe letter reads, \n\nTo the bearer of this document:\n\n\tYou have been gifted the exclusive right to loot the shipwreck Anita, renown for it’s bountiful iron ore deposits. It is incumbent upon you to coordinate the transfer of the ore from shipwreck to land, but once it is in your possession, it is worth an estimated 46 million dollars. Are you up to the challenge?\n\nCongratulations, on behalf of William Banks, who discovered the Anita in 1997.\n\nYou stop reading and slowly look up at Randall. You can see the excitement in his eyes as he stoops to pick up the chunk of iron ore off the ground.\n\nAnd then you see something miraculous.\n\nSix policemen are quietly walking toward you, and the officer out in front of the pack gives you a thumbs up.\n\nRandll stands back up again and puts his hand out to take the letter from you. The policemen make their move and tackle him all at once. \n\nRandall is handcuffed, and one of the police officers walks forward and shakes your hand. \n\n“Thanks to you, we had enough time to position ourselves for the perfect takedown. That was a dangerous move trying to distract him like that, but boy did you nail it. We’d like to take down your name to issue you an official thanks. That was a hilarious letter, by the way. Shipwrecks and looting and everything. You’re a stitch.” \n\nYou give the officer your name, and he joins the other officers, who are herding Randall into a police car. The bank manager steps forward and shakes your hand, thanking you on behalf of the bank branch. She offers you a lifetime of free safe deposit box rentals, which you magnanimously decline.\n\nYou hadn’t noticed a woman with a camera behind all the police officers, but she comes rushing forward now.\n\nIt’s Gayle Ann Lee, and she's smiling ear to ear.\n\n“I followed you to see how the Marvin Effect would play out, and I was right. Imagine the Marvin Effect reaching so far as to foil a bank robbery. I’ll be famous. You’ll be famous,” she straightens one of the feathers on her sunhat, “and best of all, Marvin will be famous.”\n\nYou wholeheartedly agree to do an interview with her. After all, now you’re not just Marvin’s neighbor, you’re an actual hero.\n\nGayle Ann’s documentary goes viral. \n\nThe best part of all is that your legacy is unimaginably good. You weren’t so sure about it at first, but now you think to yourself, if I can foil a bank robbery, maybe I really can loot a shipwreck…\n\nGayle Ann offers to shoot the documentary. \n\n\nVICTORY!
She scowls at you and holds the door open, but not quite wide enough for you to comfortably saunter through. \n\n"You know I can ask any bank teller in there for your name. I'll find you if you try to weasel your way out of this again."\n\nYou squeeze yourself through the narrow gap between the door and the doorframe and trip into the bank, praying for some unimaginable amount of money to materialize in Susie's safe deposit box.\n\nYou head up to the bank manager's desk and show him your key. He checks your ID, and nods knowingly. \n\n"He said you would show up eventually. Right this way."\n\nHe said you would show up? What does that mean? Great Uncle Willy knew you’d try to get Susie’s inheritance? Your hackles are up. This can't be good.\n\nThe bank manager leads you to the back wall of the bank, where the safe deposit boxes hulk in shimmering golden rows. The bank manager points to one in the second column, eight rows up. \n\n“That's the box.” You notice he doesn't call it your box.\n\n"But you have a decision to make." He points to the wall on your right, partially covered by a thick blue curtain. "Either you can use the key to open the deposit box, or, give me the key." \n\nHe pulls the blue curtain on the wall aside to reveal a padlocked silver door. "And you can have what's behind this door instead."\n\nThis is a dirty trick if you ever saw it. You look down at the key in your hand. You try to remember what the right answer is in game shows, door number one or door number two, the bolted door, or the safe deposit box. Great Uncle Willy’s final test.\n\n[[Open the deposit box]]. It's a safer bet.\n\n[[Open the door]]. Everyone knows bigger is better.
Randall holds the handgun to your head, and frogmarches you in through the door to the 31st street bank. The security guard looks at you both wide-eyed, and her eyes seem to linger on you for a second too long. She looks familiar, but your head is too numb to figure out why you might know each other. After all, you’ve walked past this bank like a million times.\n\nRandall walks you up to the customer service desk, and you introduce yourself.\n\nThe bank manager, who is tall and thin with a droopy mustache says, “Ah, I’ve been waiting for you.” \n\nRandall spins you around and points the gun right at your forehead. “He’s been waiting for you?” Randall looks around furtively, like a SWAT team might descend at any minute. “I knew coming here was a bad idea.”\n\nThe bank manager interjects. “What I mean is that I have a special inheritance waiting here for you. Your uncle said you would stop by.”\n\nYou can’t imagine why your uncle would have thought you’d come to the bank where Susie’s inheritance was. That can't be good.\n\nThe bank manager walks you both to the bank of the bank, where stacks of shining safe deposit boxes line the wall. To the right of the safe deposit boxes is a blue curtain. The bank manager gestures toward the curtain, and sweeps it aside with a flourish.\n\nBehind the curtain is a padlocked door. The bank manager toggles in a key code, and the heavy door opens with a hiss. Randall pushes his way forward, and pulls the door fully open.\n\n“Ugh!”\n\n“God!”\n\n“Yikes!”\n\nShrunken heads, everywhere. There are at least fifty of them, hanging from the closet ceiling. \n\n“Fifty two,” the bank manager assures you.\n\nRandall pulls down each of the heads and throws them into his burlap sack. He shrugs his shoulders at you. "Probably worth something right?" He bags up the last head, and books it out the bank doors. \n\nYou look at the bank manager. He stares at you impassively. “Well, that’s that.” \n\n You don’t have any reason to be at the bank anymore, so you head out through the doors in time to see Randall splayed out on the ground, surrounded by 6 police officers. \n\nIn the distance, you can just see the blue sedan driving off at top speed. You notice Randall doesn't have his burlap sack anymore...they must have apprehended him just after he threw the bag into the car and slammed the door shut. Hah. \n\nYou quietly slip past the crime scene and start walking back home. You really don’t want to be involved in this whole mess anymore. If they already got Randall, they'll catch up with Gigi in no time.\n\nYou see the story on TV later that night, and as it turns out, the police are still looking for Gigi and the stolen loot. \n\nRandall does jail time for the double bank robbery, as witnessed by eight different security cameras at two different banks.\n\nYears later, you see a news story about a stunning new exhibit at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. It will showcase the most extensive collection of Amazonian artifacts in the entire United States. The exhibit is on loan from a renown collector and very generous donor named Gianna Thomas. They’re also naming an entire gallery wing after her.\n\nGianna Thomas? The name sounds familiar, but you can’t be sure of anything. Maybe if you’d inherited a large sum of money instead of a roomful of shrunken heads that got stolen…\n\nOh god. Gianna Thomas is...Gigi? They're naming a wing after Gigi?! That could have been you! But, it isn't. Them's the breaks.
The security guard waves and the police officer nods back at him. \n\n“Hey Terry, get a load of this character.”\n\n"Hey Officer Louis. It's been a rough week for shenanigans like this."\n\nYou hear the character comment, but you’re having a tough time concentrating. While the law enforcement officials are hamming it up, you're watching a small, wiry man in a black sweatshirt who just walked into the bank. You’re 99% sure that man was carrying a gun.\n\n[[Tell the cops]] about the man with the gun. With any luck, you’ll help stop a robbery in progress and be named a hero!\n\n[[Don't tell the cops]] about the gun. You’re not 100% sure and you know things will get a hell of a lot worse for you if you’re wrong.
"Your choice." \n\nYou notice he didn't say "good choice", but the safe deposit box seems lucky, something about it feels right. The bank manager steps aside, and you put the key into the lock and turn. The box shrieks open like the hinges haven't been oiled since last century. You feel like bats or spiders might come hustling out and you flinch, but stand your ground.\n\nInside the box is a single envelope. \n\nYou tear open the envelope, hoping for stocks, bonds, checks, bills, any form of legal tender in a monstrous amount.\n\nInside the envelope is a single piece of paper. It’s a heavy sheet of paper, something you might print a certificate on, or a diploma.\n\nThe letter reads:\n\n\tTo the fortunate Miss Susan Banks:\n\nYour Uncle William Banks has donated the generous sum of forty six million dollars to repair an aging wing of our prestigious university and to found a generous scholarship program for students in need. Whenever you are of a mind and age to attend our incomparable institution of higher education, we will be honored to accept you as a student. Please give us a call, and we will personally induct you into our student body at any time.\n\nSincerely and with Gratitude,\n\nYou stop reading there. You don’t care what or where or who that money went to, all you know is there’s no way it’s making it to your bank account. And forty six million dollars definitely would have done it for you. Too bad Uncle Willy chose to squandered it all on a hypothetical college education for Susie. You try to picture Susie traipsing around a prestigious university, and it’s really, really hard.\n\nYou throw the envelope back into the safe deposit box, and slam the tiny door shut. You eye the door behind the mysterious blue curtain, but the bank manager steps forward and slides the curtain shut. He shakes his head.\n\nNo way you’re getting into the padlocked door. Oh well. \n\nYour only consolation is that Susie is going to hate her legacy even more than you do. You decide to stick around until Aunt Marla shows up, so you can hear the screams, threats, and powerful epithets headed Uncle Willy’s way once she finds out what he had in store for them. \n\nYou take a seat on one of the benches in front of the bank manager’s desk to wait. Like they say, the best things in life are free.\n\nThe End
\nNobody talks to you that way. You smile and give Simon Wright’s campaign manager the finger. \n\nThe scandalized look on the man’s cow-like face is all the satisfaction you need, but then the whole bus full of people starts to clap and cheer, and that feels even better. The man looks around in shock, and quickly gets off at the next bus stop.\n\nA woman at the back of the bus wearing a large sun hat with feathers all over it hurries forward and takes the campaign manager’s seat. Something about her looks familiar, and you realize it’s the strange woman from the alley across from your apartment. \n\nShe puts out her hand and smiles at you. "I'm Gayle Ann Lee. I just had to introduce myself. I’m filming a documentary about your neighbor, Marvin.”\n\nYou can barely contain your shock. A documentary about Marvin? Did you hear her right?\n\n“I’m calling my project the Marvin Effect. I’ve been camped out in front of your apartment for weeks now. That man is just incredible. The art he makes, and the effect he has on people. You know, I’ve seen six of your neighbors start carrying reusable bags after he talked to them about making that choice just once? I’m making this documentary to inspire others to follow his example to make the world a better place. I mean, Look at what happened here after just one interaction with Marvin? I saw you stand up to that man who was bullying you. We need more people like Marvin in this world.”\n\nIf rolling his crazy eyes and throwing piss on people makes Marvin an inspirational hero, you realize you still have a lot to learn.\n\nGayle Ann puts a hand on your arm and smiles. “So do you mind if I interview you? For my documentary? I’d just like you to answer a few questions about your interaction with Marvin.”\n\n[[Talk to Gayle Ann]]. You’ve never been on TV before!\n\n[[Politely decline]]. You're sure the world will draw it’s own conclusions about Marvin without your help. You have to get to the bank to claim your legacy.
\nGayle Ann believes you about the gun, and she doesn’t waste any time. \n\nYou call the cops while she repositions her camera, facing the bank doors. She tells you to act like you’re adjusting her tripod, while she pretends to fiddle with the camera buttons. \n\nAbout 30 seconds later, you hear the bank doors open, but Gayle Ann tells you to keep fidgeting with the tripod. \n\n“It’s the same guy. He was wearing a ski mask, but now he’s taking it off, and he’s carrying two fat burlap sacks. I don’t see a gun, but what I do see is highly suspicious.”\n\nThe police still aren’t there yet, and the man jumps into a car that was apparently waiting just a block away. You look up at Gayle Ann in frustration, but she gives you a thumbs up.\n\n“I got some great footage of the burglar.”\n\nThe police show up, and Gayle Ann hands over her camera. Your interview is off for now, so you [[head into the bank]] with your key, to see if there’s even anything left.\n\n\n\n
\nGigi is excited. She curls her hair behind her ears and smiles at herself in the rearview mirror. “After all, why take one bank, when we could take two?”\n\nYou ask her to cut you in on the money for giving them the tip off. Might as well make this worth your while...right?\n\nGigi nods. "Uh...we'll talk to Randall about it.” \n\nThat doesn't sound good.\n\nRandall comes running down the sidewalk a few minutes later, with two burlap sacks over one shoulder. Gigi pops the trunk, and Randall hurtles the bags into it and slams the door shut. He jumps into the passenger seat, and Gigi steps on the gas.\n\nShe tells Randall about Susie’s inheritance, over at the bank on 31st street. \n\nYou tell them you think Uncle Willy left her a fortune, and Randall is even more excited than Gigi. \n\nWhen you get to the bank, Randall insists you go inside with him. He thinks the bank manager might move faster if he has a hostage this time.\n\n[[Enter the 31st Street bank]]\n\n
\nYou tell her you’d love to be interviewed. You’ve never been interviewed before and you’re pumped, even if you’re contributing to some strange delusion called the Marvin Effect.\n\nShe agrees to interview you in front of the bank, since that’s where you’re headed anyway.\n\nYou both get off the bus. She tells you to stand next to the curb, so she can capture the neighborhood “flavor” in the background, whatever that means. She sets her camera up on the bank steps. You’re worried about what that downward angle is going to do to the size of your chin, but you don’t say anything.\n\nYou’re feeling like a good sport.\n\nShe’s fidgeting with the camera lens, and you see a man walk up the stairs just behind her. He glances casually at both you and Gayle Ann like he’s looking for someone, and then he heads into the bank. \n\nHe’s a regular looking guy, long dark hair, blue eyes, biggish nose. But here’s the thing. You’re about 99% sure you saw that guy walk into the bank carrying a small handgun in his right hand.\n\n[[Tell Gayle Ann about the gun]]. You feel like you should really call the police.\n\n[[Don't tell about the gun]]. You’re 99% sure, but that’s not 100%. You don’t want to risk being wrong here, Gayle Ann will probably catch it all on camera. Now that would be embarrassing.
\nYou know there's no point trying to reason with Susie. Susie’s a straight up brat. And you never know, maybe Great Uncle Willy left you something really good. \n\nYou head back to your house. It’s on your way to the 81st street bank. \n\nAs you approach your apartment complex, you see someone hunched over the sidewalk. Oh god.\n\nIt’s Marvin, your neighbor. He lives in the apartment directly below you, but he's always outside making hideous works of art. Pieces of chalk and cans of paint litter the ground around him, and he’s spraypainting something onto a dirty piece of cardboard. \n\nYou stop walking and hold your breath. Maybe he won't see you.\nAs you start to cross the street, you accidentally kick a loose piece of the sidewalk, and Marvin turns around. Uh oh. He hoists himself to a crouch and shuffles around to look at you. \n\nYou can see what he’s been painting. You really wish you hadn't. He's making a mandala using a crude stencil of his own face. Marvin’s bearded, crazy-eyed face stares up at you over and over in a dizzying spiral. It’s really unsettling. \n\n“Going to the grocery store? Where’s your reusable bags?” His eyes are blootshot. You see a [[red bucket]] sitting by his right elbow. It’s about a third of the way full.\n\nYou tell him you’re going to the bank. You are really in a hurry.\n\nHe smiles. “Answer this riddle traveler, and you may pass by my stretch of the sidewalk unscathed.”\n\nYou really need to start recording the things he says, so one day you can show them to a police officer.\n\n\n[[Answer the riddle]]. You might as well give it a shot.\n\n[[Refuse to answer]] the riddle. Like you have time for this.
\nAunt Marla shows up to the police station wearing a low cut top and way too much makeup. You know its her dream to marry a cop or a fireman, so you introduce her to Officer Louis, who has been interrogating you for the past few hours.\n\nOfficer Louis recognizes Aunt Marla because he's the officer who caught Susie vandalizing the school dumpster last year, and tried to press charges. You realize being related to you makes Aunt Marla look even worse.\n\nAunt Marla is furious with you, and makes you sit in the back seat on the drive home. Her radio speakers are all fuzzy, but she insists on listening to a radio program she caught the beginning of on the way over.\n\nIt's something about a man who just inherited the right to loot a famous shipwreck, Anita, renown for the prodigious amount of valuable iron ore on board.\n\nSomething about the reporter's voice sounds familiar.\n\n"That was amateur reporter Gayle Ann Lee, reporting from 81st street where she discovered the lucky gentleman on his way home from the bank."\n\nYou sit bolt upright in the back seat of Aunt Marla's battered old station wagon. Could it be? \n\n81st street, Iron ore, the bank? You look down at your grubby gray hands for a minute.\n\nThen you lay back down again. It's all a little too convenient. You'll probably never know what your legacy really was, and you're probably better off not knowing, after all.\n\nYou try to tune out Aunt Marla, who started talking over the radio, and is trying to offer you a pair of her nasty old gardening shoes you know you sure as hell don’t want.\n\nBetter luck next time.
He puts his can of spraypaint down and crosses his arms. \n\n"Three ants are walking in a line, one after the other. \n\nThe first ant turns around and says: "I see two ants walking behind me." \n\nThe second ant looks in front of him and behind him and says: "I see one ant in front of me, and one ant behind me."\n\nThe third ant looks ahead of him and says: "I see two ants ahead of me, and one ant behind me." \n\n"How is that possible?"\n\nGod you hate this guy. This shit doesn't even make sense, but you agreed to play. You suggest the first ant might be holding a mirror the third ant can look into. You know its a long shot.\n\nMarvin smiles. "Wrong." His silver capped teeth are glittering in the mid-afternoon sunlight. He looks almost angelic, in a demonic kind of way. "But thanks for trying." \n\nHe whispers the [[right answer]] in your ear. \n\nThis is the first time he's ever been happy with you. He hands you the artwork he's been working on. \n\n"It's finally finished."\n\nYou accept the piece of cardboard, and you realize the flipside is a campaign poster for Simon Wright, that guy who is running for Mayor. Or is it Governor? You don't really keep up with policitcs. \n\nYou flip back and forth between the mandala of spiraling Marvin faces, and the stark red and white lettering on the campaign poster that reads: "Make the Wright Choice." \n\nYou head toward the bus stop. Now that you've taken away his canvas, he's spraypainting the ground. Great.\n\nYou cross the street to catch the bus, and you notice a woman wearing sunglasses and a wide-brimmed hat with feathers all over it leaning out from the alley to your left. \n\n"Hey, you!"\n\nShe beckons you toward the alley. \n\nYou can see she has a camera set up behind her on a tripod, and the thoughts FBI - drug dealer -sting operation - lunatic - go racing through your mind.\n\n[[Talk to her]]\n\n[[Don't talk to her]]
The Legacy
You don't have time or patience to deal with this jerk.\n\nYou get off the bus at the next stop and decide to run as fast as you can to the bank. That way, nobody else can stop you or harass you or try to keep you from your legacy. \n\nAs you head right at the street corner, something wet and squishy hits you in the back of the head. You run your hand across your oozing neck and take a look. It’s bloody red and heavily seeded. A tomato! \n\nAt first you’re thinking Marvin. Somehow that crazy fool followed you all the way here, but you wheel around and it’s even worse. Susie.\n\nThere she is, your cousin, in all her evil glory. She’s flanked by a posse of 8 year old girls on bicycles, and one of them is poised to throw another squishy looking orb. Why couldn’t these kids accessorize digital pets or build a virtual amusement parks like you did when you were their age?\n\n“FIRE!” Susie screams.\n\nYou duck and jog up the street to try to get away from them. A barrage of rotten fruit and vegetable splatters all around you like a hail of pungent bombs. You slide through a slippery banana-zucchini patch, but you keep your balance. You turn around and hold your hands up, hoping for a truce.\n\n"Trying to get to the bank, idiot?" Susie learned the elegance of language from her mom, Marla. \n\nShe's holding a blackened melon in one hand, and raises her arm, ready to launch it at you.\n\nYou have to take action, fast.\n\nTake off your urine-soaked shoes and [[throw them at Susie]]\n\nTry to [[bribe them]]. You have about $200 in cash in your wallet.\n\n\n\n\n
\nAunt Marla shows up to the police station wearing a low cut top and way too much makeup. You know its her dream to marry a cop or a fireman, so you introduce her to Officer Louis, who has been interrogating you for the past few hours.\n\nOfficer Louis recognizes Aunt Marla because he's the officer who caught your cousin Susie vandalizing the school dumpster last year, and tried to press charges. You realize being related to you makes Aunt Marla look even worse now.\n\nAunt Marla is furious with you, and makes you sit in the back seat on the drive home. \n\n“Thank God Susie is nothing like you.” \n\nYou’ve heard it before, you’ll hear it again. That’s family for you.\n\nShe drops you off at home, and you’re just in time to catch the eight o’clock news. You watch Randall and Gigi being busted on TV, which is satisfying.\n\nThe police says they will call you about your inheritance, but they never do. \n\nMonths later, a Gayle Ann Lee, world famous documentary maker, shows up at your door. She claims your Uncle Willy discovered a famous shipwreck called the Anita back in 1997, and she wants to interview you for 30 seconds for her new documentary. She says a former police officer named Susannah Daley just got really rich and famous for looting the shipwreck a few months ago.\n\nYou don't really see what any of this has to do with you, so you slam the door in her face.\n\nThe End.
\nBeing told not to do anything crazy really makes you want to do something crazy.\n\nYou slam the rock down onto the robber's left foot.\n\nHe screams and drops the backpack full of loot in his hands. You grab the backpack and run out into the bank lobby just as a team of police officers storm into the building.\n\nOne of the bank tellers managed to call the police unbeknownst to the robber, and unbeknownst to you.\n\nThe police officers tackle you and rip the backpack away. You put your hands up submissively, and they handcuff you. \n\nYou try to protest but the six officers are yelling at each other so loudly that none of them can hear you, even if they would have listened to you. Meanwhile, the real robber jumps over the bank counter, grabs the two burlap sacks full of money from the registers, and climbs out through the drive-through banking window. He makes a clean getaway.\n\nBack at the police station, it takes a really long time to clarify your role in the robbery. At first, they figure the fact that you had a safe deposit box at the bank with just a rock in it makes you more of a suspect. Luckily, the bank manager decides to come to the police station in person to thank you for your bravery, and the officers get wise to the truth. The officers are annoyed that your vigilantism allowed the robber to get away, but they eventually let you go.\n\nBy that time, it’s been two hours, you’re ravenously hungry, and your legacy is nowhere to be found.\n\nYou only have one choice left.\n\n[[Call Aunt Marla to pick you up]] from the police station.
Great Uncle Willy was an explorer. He’d been featured in National Geographic nine times, discovered three unknown Amazonian tribes, and climbed the six highest mountains in the world. And the list goes on.\n\nYou always looked up to your Great Uncle Willy, but he didn’t think so highly of you.\n\nHe always said you reminded him of his little brother Fred. Fred was a notorious car thief who died in jail last year. Your mom always said that was just his way of showing affection. \n\nYou know Uncle Willy had other ways of showing affection. Take your eight-year old cousin Susie. For her last birthday, Uncle Willy gave her $1,000 for her college fund. For your last birthday, Uncle Willy gave you one of his old glass eyes. He said if he was watching you all the time, you might actually grow up into something worthwhile. \n\nNow that you’re pushing 30, you’re not so sure he was wrong about you. \n\n[[Start]]\n
You put on the ski mask Randall gives you and stand out on the bank steps. You could have sworn a security guard worked here; maybe he’s on his lunch break? \n\nYou keep a lookout while Randall goes inside. He’s wearing a ski mask too, and he’s holding his handgun in one hand, and two burlap sacks in the other.\n\nMinutes go by and you’re starting to sweat. You think maybe you should call the police when Randall comes running past you, two full burlap sacks hoisted over his shoulder, and jumps into Gigi's car. They’re gone quick as a wink without even acknowledging your role in the robbery.\n\nA police car rolls up to the curb in front of the bank and you realize you haven’t played the role they intended for you to play in the robbery yet. You yank the ski mask off your head but it’s too late; three police officers come jetting toward you, guns drawn. You put your hands up and drop to the ground. You’re the dupe. The scapegoat. The red herring - enough of a distraction to allow Gigi and Randall to make a clean getaway.\n\nYou spend a few hours in jail, and then trade the information about Randall and Gigi to the cops for leniency. They realize you really had nothing to do with the robbery at all, but they write you a ticket anyway for your failure to do anything to stop the heinous crime.\n\nAfter two hours of interrogation and negotiation, they give you one phone call, and you really have no choice.\n\nYou [[Call Aunt Marla]] to come pick you up.
\nYou tell her you’re just too busy. Really. You're very sorry. \n\nGayle Ann looks disappointed, but doesn’t say so. You wonder if she plans to keep following you anyway. \n \nYou get off the bus right in front of the bank and heave the heavy door open. You wonder why there isn't some sort of guard here to open the door for you. Aren’t there usually security guards at banks? You pull the safe deposit box key out of your pocket, getting ready to use it.\n\nSuddenly, you feel something cold against your temple and somebody grabs you by the shoulder.\n\nA high-pitched male voice whispers in your ear. “This is a bank robbery. You are a hostage. Don't do anything crazy."\n\nYou can’t help shivering. So close to that legacy, yet so far away.\n\nThe robber steps up to the bank tellers and wiggles the gun against your head. They understand. He throws them two burlap sacks, and yells for everyone else in the bank - a little old lady and a young girl that looks like her granddaughter - to hit the ground with their hands on their heads. They do it. Just like in the movies. \n\nYou're fiddling with the bank deposit key in your pocket, and the robber notices.\n\n"What's in your pockets? Let me see it!" \n\nYou show him the key, and he snatches it out of your hand.\nHe waves to get the bank manager’s attention. \n\nThe bank manager, a short woman with long, curly hair, leads you to the back of the bank and points out three rows of shimmering silver boxes. One of them holds your legacy.\n\n“Open them all,” the robber shouts at the bank manager. He hands you your key back. “Open yours,” he says to you. \n\nThe bank manager uses a master key and starts at the far end, opening each box one by one. You think that seems like a security risk, and decide not to store anything valuable at this bank ever.\n\nNumber 426, lucky number. You turn your key in the fateful lock. It’s the moment of truth.\n\nInside your safe deposit box is a fist-sized rock. And that’s it. You pull the rock out and you hear the robber laughing. \n\n“A rock? What gives?”\n\nYou tell him it’s your legacy. From your Great Uncle Willy, who was a famous explorer. \n\n He starts laughing harder. “THAT’S your inheritance? God he must have HATED you.”\n\nYou agree that you definitely weren’t his favorite family member.\n\nYou shift your rock between your hands. It’s staining your fingers with a greyish black residue, and sparkly powder is flaking off into the air around you. It’s a pretty heavy rock. Something you could probably do some damage with. As you shift it from hand to hand, you notice something small taped to the bottom of the rock. It’s an envelope. Probably there’s a letter inside. \n\nYour heart leaps. Envelopes can mean money. \n\nThe bank manager has almost finished loading jewelry and bonds from every other safe deposit box into the robber's backpack. You have one final choice to make.\n\n\n[[Slam the rock]] down on the robber's foot. If you can distract him for a minute maybe you can get away.\n\nTell the robber about the [[note taped to the rock]]. Maybe you can use it to distract him until the police get here.
You take the bus to Susie’s house. You knock on the door and Aunt Marla opens it. Aunt Marla is a nasty piece of work. She’s only ten years older than you, but she treats you like a dumb little kid. She has an expensive smoking habit, and she’s always behind on her bills. Whenever she’s home, she’s always wearing dirty sweatpants and a bathrobe, so she waves you inside and quickly slams the door shut.\n\nSusie comes out of the kitchen stuffing a chocolate marshmallow cookie into her mouth. As soon as you make it clear you’re here to see Susie, Aunt Marla rolls her eyes and tromps back into her room to watch soap operas.\n\nSusie is tall for her age, and likes to wear plastic charm bracelets you know she steals from other kids at her school. You explain your generous offer to split your legacies 50-50, to make both of you doubly rich. Susie laughs at you, and chunks of chocolate cookie spew all over the living room carpet. \n\n“Nice try, deadbeat. I wouldn’t share my money with you even if all you had to eat for dinner was ketchup and spit.”\n\nShe makes an obscene gesture at you, and stomps back into the kitchen for more cookies. You never liked Susie. She’s always acting up and blaming it on other people. Like that time she tangled a big wad of watermelon gum in your hair, and told her mom the cat did it.\n\nYou head outside and let the screen door slam behind you. You never understood why Uncle Willy liked her so much. You plan to cut ties with that side of the family as soon as you claim your legacy.\n\nAs you walk down the front steps, a flash of hot pink catches your eye. It’s Susie’s bike, the one she rides around everywhere, with the white wicker basket fastened to the front and the loud obnoxious horn she wails on to startle pedestrians and squirrels.\n\nYou feel your safe deposit box key in your right pocket. It’s definitely sharp enough to do some damage. \n\n\n[[Pop those tires]]. That'll teach her to talk to you like that.\n\nHead to the bank on [[81st street]]. No reason for you stoop to that level. Maybe Uncle Willy secretly knew you had hidden depths. Maybe your legacy won’t be so bad after all.\n
You decide not to say anyting about the man with the gun. After all, you don't want to look like a bigger idiot than you already do.\n\nAbout two minutes later, as Officer Louis is writing you a ticket, a man wearing a ski mask comes running out of the bank. He's carrying two hefty burlap sacks. He dashes up the block and jumps into a blue sedan. The car peels away from the curb, and Officer Louis is staring after the car with his mouth open. \n\n"Well, I won't risk losing you too!" He handcuffs you to his own wrist, and drags you into his police car. You have to climb in through the driver's side, and Officer Louis climbs in after you.\n\nAfter a long chase through town, you catch up with the suspects. They jump out of their car after coming up against a traffic barrier, and you and Officer Louis puruse them on foot. You and a group of other officers corner them on a footbridge, and the suspects, a man and a woman, throw both burlap sacks down into the rushing river below. \n\nYour legacy was in there! You shake your unshackled fist at the suspects. \n\nEventually, you get driven back to the police station, where Officer Louis unhandcuffs you, and issues you your ticket. You have to show up to court, where the judge generously converts potential jail time into 30 hours of community service.\n\nYou're waiting days, then weeks, then months, while they dredge the river for any sign of your legacy, but it's gone like the wind.\n\nTo make matters worse, Susie figured out where you spend your community service hours picking up trash along the highway, and she and her friends come and throw rotton vegetables at you while you're working.\n\nSucks to be you.
You always wanted a pet. Now you've got one. You balance him on your left arm, like you saw Gary doing. He has a great smile and looks so smug balanced there. You're happy with your new purchase.\n\nYou rub your left pocket to assure yourself Susie's key is still there. Uncle Willy probably left her a fortune in stock shares or a clutch of priceless diamonds. Something that will make the $200 you just spent look like chump change.\n\nYou walk three blocks to the bank on 31st street. It’s a low set, one story building, nothing much to look at as far as banks go. You hope you won’t run into any trouble getting into Susie’s deposit box. Just get in, get the loot, and get out. \n\nAs you get closer to the bank, you realize there’s something familiar about the security guard standing outside the front door.\n\nCould it be? No, it couldn't be. That guard is the spitting image of the bouncer you tangled with at the club last weekend. You drank too much and then she booted you out and you threw up purple jungle juice all over her sneakers. You remember the look of rage her face before you booked it down the block to the bus stop.\n\nIt’s impossible to sneak past her, because she’s opening the door for every bank patron. You keep your eyes down and duck you head as you try to slip through the open door, but she grabs you by the shoulder at the very last second.\n\nDrat.\n\n"Hey! Hey, don't I know you?"\n\nWhen you look up into her face, her mouth drops.\n\n“Oh my god, it’s you. The vomit volcano from Midnight’s last weekend. Really nice move running away. Look, you owe me $200. That's $150 for the shoes you ruined, and $50 for all that bleach I used to try to clean your vomit off.”\n\nYou don't have any money left in your wallet. That dragon debacle completely cleaned you out. You glance at the bearded dragon on your left arm and she notices it for the first time.\n\n“Oh, hey, you’re not allowed to bring pets inside the bank.” She watches the dragon with interest.\n\nOffer her the [[Bearded dragon]]. After all, you paid $200, but there's no saying what a tough lady like her could get for it.\n\nTell her you'll pay her [[on your way out]], after you withdraw a very large sum of money you just received. \n\n\n
"I guess we should have said, do you want a cut or not?" Randall points the gun at you and tells you to get out of the car. "You're helping out either way."\n\nHe puts the gun to your temple and frogmarches you through the bank doors.\n\nYou can’t help shivering. So close to that legacy, yet so far away.\n\nRandall steps up to the bank tellers and wiggles the gun against your head. They understand. He throws them two burlap sacks, and yells for everyone else in the bank - a little old lady and a young girl that looks like her granddaughter - to hit the ground with their hands on their heads. They do it. Just like in the movies. \n\nYou're fiddling with the bank deposit key in your pocket, and Randall notices.\n\n"What's in your pockets? Let me see it!" \n\nYou show him the key, and he snatches it out of your hand.\nHe waves to get the bank manager’s attention. \n\nThe bank manager, a short woman with long, curly hair, leads you to the back of the bank and points out three rows of shimmering silver boxes. One of them holds your legacy.\n\n“Open them all,” Randall shouts at the bank manager. He hands you your key back. “Open yours,” he says to you. \n\nThe bank manager uses a master key and starts at the far end, opening each box one by one. You think that seems like a security risk, and decide not to store anything valuable at this bank ever.\n\nNumber 426, lucky number. You turn your key in the fateful lock. It’s the moment of truth.\n\nInside your safe deposit box is a fist-sized rock. And that’s it. You pull the rock out and you hear Randall laughing. \n\n“A rock? What gives?”\n\nYou tell him it’s your legacy. From your Great Uncle Willy, who was a famous explorer. \n\n He starts laughing harder. “THAT’S your inheritance? God he must have HATED you.”\n\nYou agree that you definitely weren’t his favorite family member.\n\nYou shift your rock between your hands. It’s staining your fingers with a greyish black residue, and sparkly powder is flaking off into the air around you. It’s a pretty heavy rock. Something you could probably do some damage with. As you shift it from hand to hand, you notice something small taped to the bottom of the rock. It’s an envelope. Probably there’s a letter inside. \n\nYour heart leaps. Envelopes can mean money. \n\nThe bank manager has almost finished loading jewelry and bonds from every other safe deposit box into Randall's backpack. You have one final choice to make.\n\n\nSlam [[the rock down]] on Randall's foot. If you can distract him for a minute maybe you can get away.\n\nTell Randall about the [[envelope taped to the rock]]. Maybe you can use it to distract him until the police get here.
\nYou take off your shoes, quick as a flash. You grab them by the laces and start to twirl them over your head like a shotput.\n\nSome of those eight year olds are starting to look afraid. Good. They should be. You’re an ace shot with a pair of shoes.\n\nYou feel they’ve gained enough momentum and let the shoes fly. Delinquents are ducking left and right. You manage to hit one bike hard enough to destabilize the kid sitting on it. The other shoe hits harmlessly off the wall. \n\nSusie smiles and picks up the stray shoe, but drops it immediately. \n\n“Ugh, this is wet! God, you can't even use a toilet, you deadbeat?” \n\nYou’re not sticking around to hear the rest. You abandon your shoes and run in the direction of the bank. It’s a good thing you put on thick socks this morning.\n\nYou reach the bank and hang on the railing for a minute, panting. You catch your breath, walk up the steps, and wave in a friendly way to the security guard in front of the door.\n\nHe shakes his head ominously. “Nope, not today. No shirt, no shoes, no service.”\n\nYou try to tell the guard that you’re wearing a new kind of barefoot running shoe, but he isn’t fooled. You look behind you, hoping for some glimmer of inspiration, and what you see instead turns your stomach. \n\nThere’s a police officer heading up the steps, and he’s pointing right at you.\n\n“Susan Banks’ cousin? The one that threw urine-soaked shoes at her?”\n\nYou look left and right. The security guard is leaning in with interest. \n\n“I’d like a word with you,” says the officer, pushing his sunglasses up onto his nose. The security guard steps forward, in a conciliatory way, and the police officer nods to him. \n\n“Hey Terry, get a load of this character.”\n\n"Hey Officer Louis. It's been a rough week for shenanigans like this."\n\nYou hear the character comment, but you’re having a tough time concentrating. While the law enforcement officials are hamming it up, you're watching a small, wiry man in a black sweatshirt who just walked into the bank. You’re 99% sure that man was carrying a gun.\n\n[[Tell the cops]] about the man with the gun. With any luck, you’ll help stop a robbery in progress and be named a hero!\n\n[[Don't tell the cops]] about the gun. You’re not 100% sure and you know things will get a hell of a lot worse for you if you’re wrong.
“Shhhh, this way.” \n\nYou step into the alley. It smells like rotting fruit and moldy newspapers, but that’s better than it smells on Marvin’s stretch of the sidewalk. \n\n“My name is Gayle Ann Lee.” She puts her hand out and you shake it. “I’m making a documentary about your neighbor Marvin. I’m calling it The Marvin Effect. I’d love to interview you for a few minutes about your encounter with Marvin just now.”\n\nGayle Ann is ecstatic when you say yes, and is even more excited when she finds out you’re actually Marvin’s NEIGHBOR. \n\nYou tell her you’re in a hurry, you have to catch the next bus to get to the bank. Gayle Ann assures you that she’ll make it worth your while; she’ll call you a car service to take you to the bank. \n\nSWEET!\n\nYou deliver a three minute monologue about Marvin and how much his street art and sunny disposition mean to the neighborhood. He’s a neighborhood fixture everyone, especially you, would miss if he ever went away.\n\nGayle Ann is watching you like she already has the Oscar in hand. You give her Marvin’s swirling mandala poster as a parting gift, and she gives you a gigantic hug. \n\nShe’s as good as her word - she calls you a car service, and waves you off like a celebrity. \n\nYou swing into the back seat of the blue four door sedan, and realize there are two people sitting up front. The driver is a woman with a short, bobbed haircut and gigantic hoop earrings. The passenger is a man with long, dark hair. \n\nYou greet them both, and the man turns around with a gun in his hand. \n\n“You’re going to the bank on 81st Street right? Well, so are we.” The man’s bright blue eyes sparkle with mischief. You look out the back window, but now you’re several blocks away from Gayle Ann and Marvin and anyone else you could have called on for help.\n\nThe woman eyes you in the rearview mirror. “Looks like it’s your lucky day.” The pair cackle in unison.\n\n“What are you going for? You have a deposit to make?” The man waves his gun at you, and you reach for the safe deposit key in your pocket.\n\nYou suspect the very worst. They say you should be honest with robbers, to try to make them sympathize with you as another human being, but you’re not so sure.\n\n\n[[Tell them why you're going to the bank]]. Maybe you can use your legacy as a barganing token to make it out of this ordeal alive.\n\nLie. Tell them you're going to the bank to get [[quarters]] to do some laundry. No way they're getting their grubby paws on your legacy.
The robbers sympathize with you. \n\n“We don’t have in-suite laundry either!”\n\nThe struggle is real. \n\n“I’m Randall,” the man in the passenger seat puts out his hand, and you shake it. “That’s Gigi, my wife.” \n\nYou wave to Gigi, who winks at you in the rearview mirror. \n\n“You don’t look like you have money either. No offense,” he quickly corrects himself, “but I mean SERIOUS money. That's the only type of money that counts these days.”\n\nYou don’t know what he means by SERIOUS money, but you nod your head in agreement. You quickly assess your outfit, wondering what specifically tipped Randall off to the fact that you live paycheck to paycheck. \n\n“We tried working your typical nine-to-fives,” says Randall pitifully. He points to Gigi. “Accountant.” He points to himself. “Biology teacher.”\n\nWow. They’re just ordinary people like you. You’re starting to like them. Anyway, they never told you they were actually going to ROB the bank. You made that assumption on your own. You should really be less judgmental. \n\n"It took us fifteen years to finally figure out nine to fives are for suckers.”\n\nYou agree that nine to fives are for suckers. Who says you’re gonna live long enough to retire anyway?\n\nGigi pulls up to the curb about a block away from the bank on 81st Street.\n\n“So we’re gonna go rob this bank.” Randall gives you a thumbs up sign. “You want in?”\n\n\n[[Offer to help]]. Maybe they'll let you be the lookout. That way, if they get caught, you'll just look like an innocent bystander.\n\n[[Refuse to help]]. Your future is too bright to mess with right now - you have a legacy coming to you, and you're featured in a fabulous new documentary! Life is your oyster.
The bouncer LOVES IT. \n\n"I always wanted one of these." She strokes the bearded dragon on it's head. It looks even happier with the bouncer than it was on Gary's arm. She points down at her shoes. "Forgiven, and forgotten!" She waves you into the bank and holds the door open wide for you. \n\n"Just don't ever let me see you back at Midnight's."\n\nYou smile and wave, and head into the bank, grasping Susie's bank deposit key in your hand. \n\nYou head up to the bank manager's desk and show him your key. He checks your ID, and nods knowingly. \n\n"He said you would show up eventually. Right this way."\n\nHe said you would show up? What does that mean? Great Uncle Willy knew you’d try to get Susie’s inheritance? Your hackles are up. This can't be good.\n\nThe bank manager leads you to the back wall of the bank, where the safe deposit boxes hulk in shimmering golden rows. The bank manager points to one in the second column, eight rows up. \n\n“That's the box.” You notice he doesn't call it your box.\n\n"But you have a decision to make." He points to the wall on your right, partially covered by a thick blue curtain. "Either you can use the key to open the deposit box, or, give me the key." \n\nHe pulls the blue curtain on the wall aside to reveal a padlocked silver door. "And you can have what's behind this door instead."\n\nThis is a dirty trick if you ever saw it. You look down at the key in your hand. You try to remember what the right answer is in game shows, door number one or door number two, the bolted door, or the safe deposit box. Great Uncle Willy’s final test.\n\n[[Open the deposit box]]. It's a safer bet.\n\n[[Open the door]]. Everyone knows bigger is better.\n
You don’t want to look like an idiot. You decide not to tell Gayle Ann anything. \n\nA few minutes into your interview, the man comes back out of the bank wearing a ski mask and carrying two burlap sacks over his shoulder. He takes the ski mask off, and while you’re starting to realize just how suspicious that scenario really is, he jumps into a car waiting about a block away, and takes off.\n\nPhew. Not your problem anymore, right?\n\nThree police cars pull up to the curb behind you, and six officers jump out. One of them heads toward you, while the other five run toward the bank. \n\n“Excuse me, Ma’am, Sir.”\n\nGayle Ann stops filming and walks over to where you and the officer are standing.\n\n“Officer Louis. I’m here investigating a bank robbery that took place about four minutes ago. Gayle Ann’s mouth drops.\n\nIt figures.\n\n“You never think something like that is going to happen in real life!” Gayle Ann packs up her camera equipment and makes a bee-line for the bank door. “Finally, I’m the first reporter on the scene!”\n\nOfficer Louis looks over at you. “Didn’t you see anything? You’re standing here looking right at the bank doors.”\n\nYou tell him about the man with the ski mask and the two burlap sacks. He looks about ready to sock you in the jaw.\n\nHe takes you back to the police station to file an official report. You think he’s intentionally trying to make things difficult for you because you failed to report the bank robbery in progress.\n\nAfter an hour of bureaucratic busywork, he finally lets you go. You have to call Aunt Marla to give you a ride home, and once she finds out what happened, she makes you wear a paper bag over your head as long as you’re in her car. \n\nOn the bright side, Aunt Marla says there’s no way in hell you’re ever babysitting for Susie again. \n\nOn the flip side, your legacy was stolen, and it is never returned to you.\n\nTough luck.\n
You hand over the key to your safe deposit box on 81st street. Susie’s key is safely nestled in your left pocket. See how long it takes her to figure THAT one out.\n\n“What is this, your safe deposit box key? It’s at the bank on 81st street, right? Not sure what Willy would have left you, but maybe it’ll be enough to start paying me for these tires. Go find someone else to bother, deadbeat.”\n\nYou nod your head apologetically, and turn take your leave. And then you smile. You took a gamble on Susie's inheritance, because it's bound to be much better than yours. Now its time to claim it. Fortune favors the bold.\n\nYou walk three blocks to the bank on 31st street. It’s a low set, one story building, nothing much to look at as far as banks go. You hope you won’t run into any trouble getting into Susie’s deposit box. Just get in, get the loot, and get out. \n\nAs you get closer to the bank, you realize there’s something familiar about the security guard standing outside the front door.\n\nCould it be? No, it couldn't be. That guard is the spitting image of the bouncer you tangled with at the club last weekend. You drank too much and then she booted you out and you threw up purple jungle juice all over her sneakers. You remember the look of rage her face before you booked it down the block to the bus stop.\n\nIt’s impossible to sneak past her, because she’s opening the door for every bank patron. You keep your eyes down and duck you head as you try to slip through the open door, but she grabs you by the shoulder at the very last second.\n\n"Hey! Hey, don't I know you?"\n\nWhen you look up into her face, her mouth drops.\n\n“Oh my god, it’s you. The vomit volcano from Midnight’s last weekend. Really nice move running away, by the way. Look, you owe me $200. That's $150 for the shoes you ruined, and $50 for all that bleach I used to try to get your indestructible vomit out.”\n\nShe looks like she really means business.\n\n\nOffer to pay her [[on your way out]], after you withdraw the large sum of money you’re expecting.\n\nOffer to give her [[your own shoes]]. After all, those smelly shoes from Aunt Marla will get you home, and you’ll be able to afford as many new shoes as you want, with Susie’s inheritance.
\nYou slam the rock down onto Randall's left foot.\n\nHe screams and drops the backpack full of loot in his hands. You grab the backpack and run out into the bank lobby just as a team of police officers storm into the building.\n\nOne of the bank tellers managed to call the police unbeknownst to Randall, and unbeknownst to you.\n\nThey tackle you, and rip the backpack away. You put your hands up submissively, and they handcuff you. \n\nYou try to protest but the six officers are yelling at each other so loudly that none of them can hear you even if they would have listened to you. Meanwhile, Randall jumps over the bank counter, grabs the two burlap sacks full of money from the registers, and climbs out through the drive-through banking window. He makes a clean getaway.\n\nBack at the police station, it takes a really long time to clarify your role in the robbery. At first, they figure the fact that you had a safe deposit box at the bank with just a rock in it makes you more of a suspect. Luckily, the bank manager decides to come to the police station in person to thank you for your bravery, and the officers get wise to the truth. The officers are annoyed that your vigilantism allowed the real robber to get away, but they eventually let you go.\n\nBy that time, it’s been several hours, you’re ravenously hungry, and your legacy is nowhere to be found.\n\nYou only have one choice left.\n\n[[Call Aunt Marla to pick you up]] from the police station.
You wave Marvin’s art project at her solicitously, but hurry on by. You don’t have time to get mixed up in whatever tomfoolery she’s trying to rope you into.\n\nYou get to the bus stop just as the bus you need is pulling into the station. There’s an open seat right behind the driver. You flash your bus pass and slide into the empty seat.\n\nSWEET!\n\nThe man next to you is dressed in a three piece suit and has a fierce scowl on. He looks like he has a nasty disposition. You turn to look out the window, but you can see he’s still staring at you.\n\n“Hey, you. What are you doing with that campaign poster?”\n\nYou look down at Marvin’s artwork, and the red and white lettering is facing the man next to you. You flip it over and show him the Marvin-head mandala. It really is a unique piece of art, and you consider how it might look hanging up on your wall.\n\n“All right hand that over right now.”\n\nThe man extends a fat, beefy hand toward you. “Defacing campaign collateral could get you a hefty fine. Maybe jail time. Now hand it over.” \n\nYou look down at Marvin’s swirling head, and then up at the nasty man sitting next to you. You wonder why he seems to care so much.\n\n“I’ll give you five seconds to hand it over, then I’m calling the police. I’m Simon Wright’s campaign manager. Law enforcement officials in this city KNOW my name.”\n\nHand over the poster and [[Get off the bus]]. You don’t need this kind of trouble.\n\nFight the power! Stash the poster under your shirt and [[Give him the finger]].
You have those old smelly shoes from Aunt Marla, what have you got to lose? You offer her your boots.\n\n"Are they size 10s?" The bouncer asks curiously. "I like all the buckles on them."\n\nYou take your shoes off quickly and push them toward her. She picks one up and eyes it. \n\n"You're right. I couldn't accept money from you right outside of the bank like this, and I'd prefer to never have to see you again. I'll take them this time. But don't let me see you at Mindight's again."\n\nYou sit down on the stoop in front of the bank and pull on Aunt Marla's crusty old boots. Your toes are squirming and you're trying not to think about old sweat, hangnails, athlete's foot. You stand up, wincing, and brush yourself off.\n\nThe bouncer holds the door open for you, eyeing your gross new shoes. \n\nYou stomp heavily into the bank grasping Susie's bank deposit key in your hand. \n\nYou head up to the bank manager's desk and show him your key. He checks your ID, and nods knowingly. \n\n"He said you would show up eventually. Right this way."\n\nHe said you would show up? What does that mean? Great Uncle Willy knew you’d try to get Susie’s inheritance? Your hackles are up. This can't be good.\n\nThe bank manager leads you to the back wall of the bank, where the safe deposit boxes hulk in shimmering golden rows. The bank manager points to one in the second column, eight rows up. \n\n“That's the box.” You notice he doesn't call it your box.\n\n"But you have a decision to make." He points to the wall on your right, partially covered by a thick blue curtain. "Either you can use the key to open the deposit box, or, give me the key." \n\nHe pulls the blue curtain on the wall aside to reveal a padlocked silver door. "And you can have what's behind this door instead."\n\nThis is a dirty trick if you ever saw it. You look down at the key in your hand. You try to remember what the right answer is in game shows, door number one or door number two, the bolted door, or the safe deposit box. Great Uncle Willy’s final test.\n\n[[Open the deposit box]]. It's a safer bet.\n\n[[Open the door]]. Everyone knows bigger is better.
You offer Susie a stack of cold hard cash to move along. \n\nShe snatches the money, gives you a saccharine smile, and beckons her little friends forward. All of them have keys tied into their hair. It must be a weird new trend. it makes them look like evil muppets. \n\nYou start off in the direction of the bank and you glace backward, to make sure they aren't going to follow you. The girls are all clustered around Susie, waiting for her to divvy up the money. You notice that one of them even left her bike unattended, and inspiration strikes you.\n\nYou snatch the bike by the handlebars, and mount it quickly. You want to get out of there as fast as you can, by any means necessary. You're not stealing exactly, you’re really just borrowing it. You’ll leave it on the street where they can find it again after you claim your legacy.\n\nYou’re sure you'll be blocks away before those greedy little ragamuffins even look up. You pull up to the bank and hit the first step when you hear a police siren blaring.\n\nA cop car pulls up to the curb behind you, and a police officer comes barreling out of the driver’s side. He’s pointing right at you.\n\n“Susie Banks’ cousin? The one who stole her friend’s bike?”\n\nThe security guard who was standing in front of the door getting ready to hold the door open for you abruptly drops the door handle and jogs down the front steps. He and the police officer smile at each other, and they close in on you like you’re a high level flight risk.\n\n\n[[Talk to the police officer]]. Come on, do you really have a choice here?
Officer Louis believes you about the gun. \n\nHe immediately calls for backup. Two additional police cars pull up, and Officer Louis stages the interception. Everyone is in ther place, waiting for the robber to emerge.\n\nAbout 30 seconds later, the bank doors open, and a man wearing a ski mask with two burlap sacks over his shoulder comes dashing out.\n\nOfficer Louis and his colleagues tackle the suspect and handcuff him. They load him into the police car. You notice a blue sedan, parked about a block away, jet off down the road. You think about mentioning it to the cops, but they seem preoccupied with the robber himself.\n\nSeveral days later, you get a call from the police. They've sorted through all of the stolen items from the 81st street bank, and they found your inheritance.\n\nUncle Willy left you the rights to loot a massive quantity of iron ore from the shipwreck Anita, which he discovered back in 1997. \n\nShipwrecks? Iron ore? It all just sounds like a lot of work. The officer on the phone, a woman named Susannah Daley, offers to buy the rights from you for $2000.\n\nA piece of paper for $2000? She doesn't have to ask you twice. Maybe there's something to this legacy thing after all.\n\nThanks, Uncle Willy.\n
K. Fishbein
Door, Baby!\n\nThe bank manager nods gravely, and you start to second guess yourself. He snatches Susie’s key out of your hand and tucks it into the breast pocket of his button-down shirt. You didn't even know people used those pockets in real life.\n\nHe toggles a series of numbers into the keypad on the door, and a bolt scrapes backward. The door opens with a hiss, and a musty smell seeps into the air. You start to wonder if it's going to be something awful in there, like Uncle Willy’s cryogenically frozen brain, or a gigantic life-size ant farm. \n\nYou jump backward.\n\nA throng of grotesque, bloated faces stare out at you. They're shrunken heads, a whole army of them, hanging from the ceiling in every shape and size imaginable. A cloying, chemical smell enfolds you, and several other bank patrons start to cough. You’re pretty sure the heads are real.\n\n"There are fifty two of them in all," says the bank manager. "They're worth a fortune. You could donate this collection to any museum in this country and get a whole wing named after you."\n\nYou cover your nose with one hand. Uncle Willy left you a roomful of shrunken heads. You wonder if one of them is his.\n\nThe bank manager laughs at the expression on your face. \n\nYou look over at the stacks of shining golden deposit boxes and open your mouth to speak.\n\nThe bank manager shakes his head and puts an abnormally long finger to his lips. “What was in the box? You’ll never know now." \n\nIt figures. All things considered, it probably could have been worse.\n\nYou lean into the closet full of heads and pick out a small one: wispy white hair, swollen purple cheeks, eyes sown shut. First things first, you're going to fasten this priceless treasure to Aunt Marla’s rearview mirror.\n\nTHE END\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Marvin scowls at you. Before you can run away, he grabs the red bucket and sloshes the foul contents all over your shoes. \n\nYou're wearing the nice leather boots with silver buckles on them that you like so much. You stomp your feet to try to get as much of Marvin’s piss off as you can, but you cant get rid of that smell. \n\nThe bus stop is just two blocks away, so you swipe your feet across Marvin’s piece of cardboard, excuse you, artwork, and head for the bus. You can hear him screaming but you don’t turn around. You know he’s way too lazy to chase you.\n\nYou see a woman wearing an gigantic sunhat with feathers on it peering out at you from inside an alley across the street. That’s creepy, but you don't have time to worry about it. You can see the bus pulling up to station.\n\nYou book it the last block and jump on the bus. You flash your bus pass and SCORE! There's an open seat just behind the driver. \n\nThe man next to you is glaring at you. He’s wearing a business suit and looks like he has a nasty disposition. He fans the air around his nose, but you choose to ignore him.\n\nYou wiggle your toes in your boots, and you feel your socks starting to moisten. Your shoes squelch when you stomp them against the ground. Sick.\n\nThe man next to you leans over and points at your shoes. "Hey, did you piss yourself or something? You smell awful. You can’t get on a bus smelling like that.”\n\nYou shrug and turn to look out the window, but he won’t stop staring at you.\n\n“It’s people like you, fouling up public transportation with no regard for other citizens that Simon Wright is going to get under control when he's Mayor. I’m his campaign manager, and law enforcement officers in this city know me by name.”\n\nYou notice other people on the bus are starting to pay attention.\n\nHe raises his voice and points at the back door of the bus. “If you don’t get off at the next stop, I’m calling the police.”\n\n\n[[Give him the finger]]. He can call the police if he damn well wants to. It's none of his business what your shoes smell like.\n\n[[Get off the bus]] quickly at the next stop. It’s already been a rough day. You don’t need any more trouble.
\n\tYou pop the bike tires and it feels so satisfying. You kick the bike over for good measure, and it clatters onto the ground. An envelope slides out of the white wicker basket fastened to the front of the bike. You recognize the writing on that envelope. It’s Uncle Willy’s handwriting, and Susie's safe deposit box key is still inside. You pick it up off the ground and put it into your left pocket. \n\nSCORE!\n\nSomebody standing way to close to you clears his throat. You whirl around and groan.\n\nIt's Susie and Marla’s neighbor Gary, that weird guy who breeds lizards for a living. He has three baby bearded dragons balanced on his left arm. Three sets of black reptilian eyes silently upbraid you for your criminal act.\n\nGary grins like a used car salesman. "I should call Marla out here right now and tell her what you just did.” \n\nHe looks over his bearded dragons and raises his eyebrows like he wants you to buy one. "Aren't they cute?"\n\nYou look at Susie's front door. If Marla finds out you popped Susie’s bike tires, she’ll go ballistic. And you don’t even want to think about what Susie will do.\n\nNow Gary’s smiling so wide you can see the gold fillings in his back two molars. "$200 and I wont say a word."\n\n[[Buy a dragon]]. What's $200 in the scheme of things? You have Susie’s key. Now you’re about to make bank.\n\n[[Refuse to pay the hush money]]. Blackmail doesn’t work on you. Stand your ground and take whatever’s coming.